The Most Embarrassing Train Lyrics of All Time
I’m perpetually baffled by the ridiculousness of the lyrics to Train songs (shhh, don’t tell anyone I was actually listening to Train songs…I blame Pandora). These are REAL WORDS in REAL SONGS:
This is not a drive-by / Just a shy guy looking for a 2-ply / Hefty bag to hold my love
His love is literally garbage. Possibly sharp garbage, because he’s very specific about how thick and sturdy the trash bag must be, in order to carry his love. Nobody wants your garbage love, man.
When you move me, everything is groovy / They don’t like it, sue me / Mmm, the way you do me
I can’t think of a more amazing poetic technique than rhyming the words “groovy” and “do me.”
My love for you went viral
Nope, grandpa. You don’t even know what that means.
She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo / Reminds me that there’s room to grow
How is that even possible? Is she doing Tae-Bo in slow motion?
I’m so obsessed / my heart is bound to beat / right out my untrimmed chest
I don’t think we needed quite that much detail about the lead singer of Train’s chest hair.
The way you can cut a rug / Watching you is the only drug I need / So gangster, I’m so thug
Using the phrase “cut a rug” and being a gangster/thug are definitely mutually exclusive. I kind of want a rapper to sample a Train song now, though.
Love this reaction shot.
I heard this song in Duane Reade today, during the one time I ventured out of my apartment in the past two days, where I’ve been under self-imposed quarantine all weekend. Even in my groggy, Mucinexed state, all I could think was, “This song makes no sense. What kind of terrible band is singing this ridiculousness right now?” These are some real lyrics:
- “Can’t be a queen bee without a bee throne”
- “I wanna buy you everything, except cologne, ‘cause it’s poison”
- “I love you from your toes to your face”
Of course, it was Train. I should have guessed. I kind of wish Train would get hit by a train. Or just splashed with cologne.
For some reason, I thought Taio Cruz was singing, “Saying aaayo, Galileo.” Even though I recently figured out the lyrics are actually “gotta let go,” I still sing it my way because I like it better. Someone’s gotta rep the father of modern science up in the club.
I was just listening to Kanye West’s song “Monster,” and I swear I heard him rap, “Have you ever had sex with a ferret?”
It actually wasn’t that comforting to find out he was really saying “pharaoh.” WTF, either way.
I cannot stop listening to Nicki Minaj’s new Pink Friday album. (It doesn’t officially come out until tomorrow, but there are places where you can stream it online.) I love all the songs except the one she did with Eminem, “Roman’s Revenge,” which I have to skip each time because the lyrics are too violent and I can’t handle listening to such vitriol.
These are some of my favorite rhymes of hers, in which she’s badass but also funny:
“I ain’t gotta get a plaque, I ain’t gotta get awards,
I just walk up out the door, all the girls will applaud,
All the girls will commend, as long as they understand
That I’m fighting for the girls that never thought they could win,
‘Cause before they could begin, you told ‘em it was the end
But I am here to reverse the curse that they live in.”— “I’m the Best”
“If you could turn back time…Cher;
You used to be here but now you gone…Nair.”
—“Did It on ‘Em”
“I just pop up on these hos like some pimple shit
And put an iron to your face, you old wrinkled bitch.”
—“Check It Out”
“I’m the best now,
Anybody with some money should invest now
Soccer moms need to organize a pep rall’
Your game over, bitch — Gatorade, wet towel.”
-“Blazin’”
“I swear to God, man, everything in life is old
And the only thing that change is the price of gold.
Even in the afterlife, I’ma fight your soul
‘Cause the second time around, I’ll be twice as bold.”
—“Here I Am”
“Shorty, I’ma only tell you this once,
You the illest
And for your lovin’, I’ma die hard
Like Bruce Willis.”
—“Your Love”
“So call me Simba, li’l mama, ‘cause Mufasa couldn’t stop a bitch;
I fly in on the chopper just to buy Balenciaga;
It’s just me, Mr. Miyagi and The Phantom of the Opera.”
—“Massive Attack”
Rap Genius
Rap Genius is…somewhat predictably…genius.
Kind of obsessed with my new bracelet that I custom-ordered from Spiffing Jewelry on Etsy. It was only $18! It says, “Face forward, move slow, forge ahead,” the lyrics to a Guster song that I sing in my head when I’m having a tough time.
God, Britney is just so confusing
- Me: i also like that i thought "baby one more time" was called "hit me one more time"
- Me: ode to domestic abuse
- Billy: wait
- Billy: isn't it
- Billy: hit me baby one more time
- Me: that's the lyric but the song is just "baby one more time"
- Me: regardless, i forgot the baby
- Billy: well it's STILL domestic abuse
- Me: true but it's ok if a baby hits you because then it won't hurt
- Billy: hit me, baby, one more time. baby = infant or baby = some dude
- Me: some dude
- Me: but it's funnier if you think it's an infant
- Billy: so its not a baby
- Billy: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
