Weird Things I Saw in the Park Today
Today is the first day I’ve worn jorts all year, which means it was the first rill rill day of spring. I hung out in the park in the sunshine for two hours and saw so many fascinating things. My heart almost exploded with love for my neighborhood and all of the bizarre creatures in it.
- An old lady crying and hugging some teenagers. She was sitting on a bench with her granny cart and a big suitcase. She might have been homeless or just an eccentric hoarder, I don’t know. Three teenaged basketball players brought her a comforter in a recycled Duane Reade bag. She started crying and hugged each of them. They hugged her back and said, “We love you too, ma’am.” It was super sweet and I wanted to hug them, too / it restored my faith in humanity.
- A couple arguing about ham getting advice from the aforementioned old lady. An arguing couple sat down on the bench next to me. They were fighting about ham and how she told her friends all about how he gets upset when she buys ham (oh god sometimes I am so glad to be single). The kooky old lady started lecturing them and asking the guy what he’s going to promise his girlfriend because she is so beautiful and natural.
- A guy barfing. A teenager sitting on a bench casually leaned over and puked about a gallon onto the ground while a girl held his hand.
- A guy with a ton of face tattoos. A middle-aged bald guy with tattoos covering his entire face and head was just sitting in the dog park, wearing cargo shorts, watching his dog.
- A herd of joggers wearing horned Viking helmets. Some of them were also wearing tutus.
- A bunch of old men playing salsa music on some giant bongos. Other people danced and clapped and joined in.