February 2011
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Amy Poehler's Parents →
Have you ever given her sketch ideas?
BILL: I have.
EILEEN: She has not accepted one.
How does she respond?
BILL: It depends on her mood whether she lets me finish or not.
My dad likes to give me his SNL sketch ideas, and I’m not even on SNL. Or a comedian. Or even that funny, really.
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What Your Favorite Classic Rock Band Says About... →
Some of my favorites (descriptions, not bands):
The Doors: You have been bitten by an animal while trying to get it stoned.
The Moody Blues: You are a former volunteer at the Liberace museum, a serial killer, or both.
The Grateful Dead: Your stories about the seventies make your daughter’s roommates at Tufts very uncomfortable.
Aerosmith: You know a store that still sells puffy...
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Mind Of Man: Why You're Not Married →
Life is not a Carnival Cruise production of “Beauty and the Beast.” Your prince might never come. But that’s okay. When one door closes, a trapdoor opens under your feet. You’re not married because that’s not where you are in the story of your life right now. Take a moment to breathe. Put your feet up. Eat one of those tiny cups of chocolate pudding that, according to television...
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Money Rabbit →
My brother started a blog about personal finance. I don’t know what any of it means, but you should check it out if you are into that stuff. I am going to Connecticut this weekend, to give him blogging lessons. I feel like this is going to end with someone slamming a laptop closed on someone else’s fingers.
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Today in Phone Calls with My Brother
Me: Aww! I just saw the cutest picture of some lemurs.
Nick: What?!
Me: I just saw a cute picture of two lemurs cuddling.
Nick: Oh...I thought you said "wieners."
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NYC - Interpol
I had seven faces, Thought I knew...
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Signs That Living in NYC Has Ruined You for the...
When you visit another city, you:
Walk around with this song in your head at all times, because everyone walks too slow
Become frustrated when you can’t stand on the curb, raise your arm and find a cab within five minutes
Ask where the nearest Duane Reade is, even though you just mean a pharmacy
Grumble about not being able to travel pretty much anywhere in the city on public...
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Where Have the Good Men Gone? →
In 1970, just 16% of Americans ages 25 to 29 had never been married; today that’s true of an astonishing 55% of the age group. In the U.S., the mean age at first marriage has been climbing toward 30 (a point past which it has already gone in much of Europe).
Articles like this piss me off because they never address how many of those 1970s marriages dissolved, how many involved...
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New, Horrible Lara Logan Details Emerge →
Not only is the Egyptian mob that attacked Lara Logan evil and despicable, they are also incredibly stupid. Most of the world was rallying behind Egypt but after this attack, they’ve singlehandedly offended — and likely lost the support of — the U.S. government, Americans, women and Jews. Smart move, guys.
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Mom's Diet Can Shape Baby's Brain →
My mom says that when she was pregnant with me, she constantly craved vinegar and peanut M&Ms (no, not together, that’s nasty). I am a vinegar fiend but I’m not big into M&Ms. What do you have to say about that, science?!
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Aphoristically Challenged
A poem I wrote when I was 17:
i know if you love something, let it go and rivers always reach the sea but why, oh why, must this apply to the case of you and me?
Can you tell I was reading a lot of Dorothy Parker?
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Important Instructions for the Babysitters of... →
Do not allow Portia access to her iPad until she’s consumed her miso soup.
Everett is grounded. ABSOLUTELY NO FALCONRY!!!
Constance takes her milk with a dash of bitters.
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FWD Thinking: New Tumblr Displays NYC's Pothole... →
mbooth:
The next time you consider complaining about a pothole on a New York City street, maybe you should check Tumblr first. The NYC Department of Transportation has just launched a new Tumblr called The Daily Pothole, to keep Gotham citizens updated on its pothole progress. The blog posts photos, maps and graphs of street repair around the city, plus a daily count of how many have been...
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Mean Old Girls: Seniors Who Bully →
When my grandma Rosene lived in an assisted living facility during the last few years of her life, she used to tell me about all the drama and gossip. It’s seriously like a college dorm for senior citizens and people can be nasty, no matter their age.
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11 More Little-Known Grammatical Errors That Will... →
Oh, great, more things to be annoyed about (although I already knew numbers 1, 3, 4 and 8).
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