November 2009
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October 2009
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Shit MY Dad Says #853
Me: I think your potbelly used to be bigger.
Dad: No! You just haven't seen my potbelly in a long time. You and my potbelly aren't friends anymore.
“Lately I feel like somebody made a big mess and I’ve got my mop and I’m mopping...”
– President Obama (via nettap : amazingamanda : stevewoolf : mikehudack)
Don't Argue With The Gay Flight Attendant
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”
On his...
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New band idea
Nick: These people just travel the country showing off their singing Tesla coils.
Mom: Testicles?!
Dad: It would be funnier if it was testicles.
“According to police reports, a purple hooded sweatshirt, size XL, was found on...”
– My hometown police blotter
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The Cell Refuseniks, an Ever-Shrinking Club →
My dad is in the club. He has a cell phone because my mom forced him to get one for emergencies, but he never turns it on. Meaning, you can’t call him. Or e-mail him — he doesn’t have an e-mail address. Basically, he’s a pain in the butt.
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Welcome to Prahaha
Things that happened in Prague today:
1. Delta sent my cousin’s luggage to Los Angeles for some reason and gave him a “cosmetics case” with some toiletries and an XL T-shirt to make up for it.
2. My uncle left his folder with all important info for the trip on a bus, which we then found parked and locked, with no driver in sight. We had to wait for him to come back, although...
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He doesn't need a special occasion to wear a...
Hipster: [Gesturing to a jacket he brought in with long black ponytails sewn onto the front] I was wondering if you could sew these on more securely.
Chinese tailor lady: Ah, for Halloween?
Hipster: ...It's actually not for Halloween.
50 office-speak phrases you love to hate →
These are a little Brit-centric, but a lot of them still ring true here in the States. It looks like they say “going forward” a lot in the U.K., whereas here we tend to favor “moving forward.”
Privileged Little Artiste Writing Something... →
SAN FRANCISCO—After gently unfastening the elastic strap keeping his dearest musings safe from prying eyes, little literary artiste Evan Stansky penned a few more darling thoughts into his clothbound Moleskine notebook Wednesday….At press time, the princely scribe was seen finishing his apricot jasmine tea, asking a mere mortal sitting nearby to watch his literary accoutrements, and then...
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When Love Is a Schlep →
You non-New Yorkers may laugh, but you can live in the same city as your significant other and still have a long-distance relationship. When I lived in Brooklyn (Prospect Heights), it put a huge strain on my relationship with the dude, who lived in the East Village (and still does). We would always have to plan ahead to see each other, and I’d have to carry around an overnight bag all the...
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I'm more absurd than usual when I'm feeling whiny
Me: Ugh, I just want to cover myself in chocolate fondue.
The Dude: ...To what purpose? [He's Australian, he talks funny, just go with it.]
Me: I don't know, some primal urge.
The Dude: I doubt the cavemen felt a "primal" urge to cover themselves in chocolate.
Me: DUH, because it would get stuck in their fur!
