August 2008
1 tag
“John [Mayer] believed in the Jessica Simpson that’s within. He cherished our...”
– Jessica Simpson in ELLE
I feel like this quote will make John Mayer roll his eyes and barf when he sees it. I can’t picture him “cherishing” anyone’s “love.”
1 tag
“Isn’t there something suspicious about the monkey chasing the weasel, and...”
– Cynthia Kaplan in “Leave the Building Quickly” from Leave the Building Quickly
1 tag
“I am never amenable, especially when it comes to being physically uncomfortable....”
– Jen Lancaster in Such a Pretty Fat
(I definitely have a HHTHF credo, meaning I can’t be held responsible for my actions should I ever get Hot, Hungry, Tired or Hurty Feet.)
1 tag
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Bad customer service at the Brooklyn Target
Me: Hi, I was just wondering how many NFL footballs you have in stock.
Target employee: We have like four on the shelf.
Me: Do you have any in the back?
Target douchebag: Yeah.
Me: Well, do you know how many do you have in the back?
Target idiot: Why you wanna know?
Me: Because I want to buy them!
July 2008
1 tag
Nick Rewind →
Now you can download old Nickelodeon shows like Hey Dude and Clarissa Explains It All on iTunes! I loved both of those shows. I never even realized that Melody was played by Christine Taylor. I thought Brad was so pretty and I wanted to be just like her.
10 Most Bizarre Restaurants →
Notice how most of the really strange ones are in Asia, since people in Asia love weird things. #3 looks awesome (yet terrifying) and #8 looks completely amazing.
HBO lowers boom on 'Tell Me You Love Me' →
Tell Me You Love Me got canceled. :( I liked that show. Except for the old-people sex scenes. Those were just gross.
Sometimes e-mail forwards are actually funny
Courtesy of my mom:
In pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it...
Personally, I think it's a good excuse
Me: well if the date sucks, text me and i’ll call you and say billy overflowed the toilet or something and u need to come home Jennalise: yeah we’ll see Me: or i’ll call and say the hell demon appeared in our house and we need you to come help kill it Jennalise: “i have to go…there’s a turtle without its shell in my living room and my roommates are freaking...
Mygazines.com →
mbooth:
Need to find an article from a magazine, but can’t find a copy in the office? Check out Mygazines, where users scan and upload entire issues to share with the whole Internet. I’m sure it will be shut down for copyright infringement soon, so enjoy it while it lasts!
—Alyssa
It is weird to reblog myself, but I do it for the sake of convenience.
A History of the Word "Douchebag" →
A history of one of my favorite words. Yes, I know it’s played out and that douches don’t really have bags (they’re more like bottles), but it’s just so fun to say.
2 tags
He could barely contain his excitement
Me: So, I accepted the full-time job offer today...
Dad: Okay, go back to work. See ya later.
1 tag
My roommate may be partially deaf
Lauren: I pretty much work with all women.
Me: Oh, I don't really like working with all women.
Billy: I like linen!
2 tags
“I offer this credo to live by: Believe what you want to believe and don’t...”
– Cynthia Kaplan, “Losing My Religion,” from Leave the Building Quickly
10 Practical Tips To Keep Your Cellphone From... →
“9. When possible, communicate via text messaging rather than making a call, limiting the duration of exposure and the proximity to the body.”
See, guys? I prefer texting to calling because I don’t want to get cancer.
What I've been listening to lately
Love Remains the Same - Gavin Rossdale
Ordinary Girl - Rebelution
Corona and Lime - Shwayze
I’m Yours - Jason Mraz
Beggin’ - Madcon
Heartbeat - Scouting for Girls
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Dying eight-year-old 'marries' his school... →
This is so heartbreaking. Little kids should not get cancer. I can’t imagine how devastated the little “bride” must be.
5 tags
Why must you make my life so difficult, Bank of...
I tried to take some cash out of the ATM today, and was sorely disappointed to find that my debit card no longer works. Bank of America took it upon themselves to send me a new debit card, despite the fact that my card doesn’t expire until March. Since my address on the account is still my parents’ address in Connecticut, I did not even realize this until a Bank of America robot called...
3 tags
Recipe: Scavenger Salsa
Because I am poor and never have any food in the house, I have to make do with what I have. Tonight’s dinner was something I invented on the fly, from scavenging things around my house, which is why I call it Scavenger Salsa.
Ingredients:
Can of Goya black beans (from the bodega across the street)
Simply Santa Fe Wish-Bone Bountifuls (free from work - they’re my client!)
Tostitos...
20 Baby Products Great For Traumatizing Infants →
The Japanese, in particular, love making their babies feel ridiculous.
1 tag
Man Stole Miami-Dade Buses, Drove Them On Routes →
Aww, he just wanted to be a bus driver! In fact, he wanted it so much, he did it for free.
10 Most Amazing Ghost Towns →
Check out #4: Craco, Italy. It’s only about 40 miles away from Muro Lucano, the town where my family is originally from.
(via payattention)
New Zealand girl changes bizarre name →
travors:
A New Zealand judge has ordered a name change for an embarrassed nine-year-old girl called ‘Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii’.
Who does this to their kid? The worst parents ever. Can she change her name and put herself up for adoption? I think my favorite part of this article is, “The judge discovered New Zealand parents had given their children some other unusual names including...
Jellllyyyyyfisshhh!! →
I definitely saw a jellyfish chillin’ in the East River two weeks ago. I’m sure there are a lot worse things in that river than jellyfish, though.
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Cabbie: Where are you going, Miss?
Me: 23rd and Park.
Cabbie: Are they filming a movie there?
Me: Uh...I don't think so?
Cabbie: Well you look like a star to me! When you graduate?
Me: I just graduated in May.
Cabbie: But you look like you 16!
Me: I know. I'm 22.
1 tag
She might as well be Twittering
My mom is obviously bored, stuck all alone at the vacation house she rented, because she is sending me constant text message updates about her crappy T-Mobile cell phone service.
8:35 PM: Got 2 lines!
8:37 PM: Walking and have 1 line!
8:40 PM: Just met lady with 7 cats! Almost 2 house and still 1 line! It’s a miracle!
Maybe she could ask that lady if she could borrow one of her cats...
3 tags
I saw a lady on the subway this morning with 2 1/2” fingernails, no joke. I spent half the ride calculating their impressive length with my little mental ruler. They were painted iridescent burgundy with 1” gold tips, and they were REAL. (I know this because the undersides were brown and crusty, ew.) I wanted to take a picture with my phone so bad, but I was scared she would claw...
2 tags
You know you're invested in your job when...
You’re even dreaming about PR opportunities that don’t actually exist.
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They should make squirrel Kotex
While I was eating a sundae outside tonight, two drops of red liquid fell from the trees above onto my brand new T-shirt. I mean, bird shit is one thing, but squirrel menstrual blood? So foul.
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